It is often a minor detail that sets it off. Tonight, it was the subtle sound of pages clinging together while I was browsing through an old book left beside the window for too long. Moisture has a way of doing that. I found myself hesitating for a long moment, ungluing each page with care, and his name drifted back to me, softly and without warning.
Respected individuals of his stature often possess a strange aura. Their presence is seldom seen in a literal manner. If seen at all, it is typically from a remote perspective, filtered through stories, recollections, half-remembered quotes which are difficult to attribute exactly. Regarding Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw, my understanding comes primarily from what is missing. A lack of showmanship, a lack of haste, and a lack of justification. Those missing elements convey a deeper truth than most rhetoric.
I recall asking a person about him on one occasion. In an indirect and informal manner. Just a casual question, as if I were asking about the weather. The person nodded, smiled a little, and said something like, “Ah, Sayadaw… he possesses great steadiness.” That was the extent of it, with no further detail. At first, I felt a little unsatisfied with the answer. In hindsight, I see that reply as being flawless.
The time is currently mid-afternoon in my location. The ambient light is unremarkable, devoid of any drama I am positioned on the floor rather than in a chair, quite arbitrarily. It could be that my back was looking for a different sensation this afternoon. I find myself contemplating steadiness and its actual uniqueness. While wisdom is often discussed, steadiness appears to be the greater challenge. Wisdom is something we can respect from the outside. Steadiness, however, must be embodied in one's daily existence.
Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw lived through so much change. Political shifts, social shifts, the slow erosion and sudden rebuilding which appears to be the hallmark of contemporary Myanmar's history. Despite this, when he is mentioned, it is not for his political or personal opinions They focus on the consistency of his character. He was like a fixed coordinate in a landscape of constant motion. I’m not sure how someone manages that without becoming rigid. That particular harmony feels incredibly rare
There is a particular moment that keeps recurring in my mind, though I can’t even be sure it really happened the way I remember it. A bhikkhu slowly and methodically adjusting his traditional robes, as though he possessed all the time in the world. That might not even have been Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw. People are often blurred together in the landscape of memory. But the sense here of the moment remained strong. That impression of not being hurried by external pressures.
I frequently ponder the price of living such a life. Not in a theatrical way, but in the subtle daily price. Silent sacrifices that do not seem like losses to the casual eye. Missing conversations you could have had. Letting misunderstandings stand. Letting others project their own expectations onto your silence. I don’t know if he thought about these things. It could be that he didn't, and that may be the very heart of it.
My hands are now covered in dust from the old book. I brush the dust off in a distracted way Writing this feels slightly unnecessary, and I mean that in a good way. Utility is not the only measure of value. Occasionally, it is adequate to merely acknowledge. that certain existences leave a lasting trace. without feeling the need to explain their own existence. To me, Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw embodies that quality. A presence that is felt more deeply than it is understood, and perhaps it is meant to remain that way.